Happy Helping A Toddler That Hits

Toddlers acquire through a lot of stages every bit they grow as well as navigate their world. Some are fun stages, similar proverb novel words as well as learning to bound or run... as well as some are annoying as well as frustrating stages, similar hitting as well as running away, as well as throwing things.

My toddler started going through a hitting stage non long ago. Hitting siblings, friends, as well as me. Today I'm going to portion some of the basic strategies we've been using inward our dwelling to assistance decrease hitting.

First off, I recollect it is of import to endeavor as well as sympathize whatsoever behavior. As I mentioned inward my review of the mass No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame, I genuinely believe that at that topographic point are no bad kids... but at that topographic point are kids who demand assistance as well as demand to move taught... as well as that is our chore every bit parents as well as educators.

I beloved this quote from Irene Van der Zande inward 1,2,3 The Toddler Years- "Toddlers examination limits to observe out almost themselves as well as other people. By stopping children inward a firm, but respectful way when they force our limits, we’re helping them to figure out their footing as well as to experience safe.”

Why Do Kids Hit?

As a instructor as well as raise amongst a background inward positive dependent land I e'er endeavor as well as observe the reasons for whatsoever behaviour earlier I endeavor as well as halt it. After observing my toddler for awhile, hither are some of the reasons I believe he was hitting...

Get a reaction/response

My preschooler is highly emotional as well as has a lot of anxiety. This agency that when her lilliputian toddler blood brother hits her she gives an amazing reaction- running, screaming, yelling, etc. I recollect my toddler finds the reaction fascinating thence sometimes he simply provokes my preschooler. 

Find out what volition happen

Often inward novel settings as well as simply about novel friends as well as adults my toddler volition simply striking to observe out what volition happen. Will that adult react the same way my mom does? Will that kid react actually emotionally similar my sis does? Will mom move consistent when she reacts? I plainly don't know what is going on inward my son's lilliputian head, but he loves to explore as well as examination limits inward novel situations. I observe that when I consistently respond inward the way that I volition explicate subsequently on, his involvement inward hitting decreases. 

Try to communicate/get a toy back

Although my toddler has a lot of language, sometimes when somebody grabs something from him his immediate answer is to striking or catch back... instead of proverb something. Toddlers are soundless working on self command as well as I recollect sometimes simply hitting is a quick way to communicate as well as endeavor as well as cook the province of affairs as well as acquire it dorsum to how they liked it. My toddler volition also sometimes striking his siblings if they are watching a demo or playing something as well as he is wanting them to play amongst him instead. Teaching him to say, "come play amongst me" or "can I play amongst you?" has helped tremendously. 

Expressing frustration physically

Toddlers don't ordinarily receive got expansive vocabularies as well as aren't running simply about saying, "You made me frustrated when you lot took my toy, give it back," or "I'm mad at you." Often hitting is a way to limited that mad or frustrated emotion physically because they don't know the appropriate linguistic communication to purpose or are soundless learning it. As an adult sometimes my emotions overwhelm me as well as I'd rather simply punch a wall instead of talking... but I'm an adult thence am able to reign it in. Kids don't receive got every bit much command as well as demand to move taught appropriate behaviour or things to say.

These are solely some of the reasons kids hit. Kids also tin striking when they are overtired, hungry, overstimilated or having a sensory overload... simply to holler a few. Have whatsoever other reasons to add? 

How Do I Deal With Hitting?

Teach don't punish

One of the most of import things I endeavor as well as remind myself almost amongst toddlers is that they are soundless learning! It is my chore to learn them as well as assistance them move successful. We take to purpose positive dependent land inward our dwelling (though I am non e'er perfect as well as definitely skid upwardly from fourth dimension to time). We don't purpose fourth dimension out amongst my toddler or a naughty measurement or whatsoever corporal punishment. I loved this signal shared inward a recent gratis Positive Parenting Solutions webinar I attended. Amy McCready explained that penalty causes kids to unopen down, thence they aren’t learning anything, they are solely trying to avoid farther punishment.

Amy also shared that the give-and-take "discipline" agency to teach. H5N1 goodness dependent land strategy "teaches" the correct behavior. I recollect almost these reminders anytime I am tempted lose my cool at my kids. I endeavor as well as inquire myself, “What volition yelling [or ____ (fill inward the blank amongst anything else)] learn them?” Usually it reminds me that yelling or punishing volition crusade them to unopen down. They won’t move motivated to produce better. They volition simply bottle upwardly all of their emotions as well as thence explode later. They volition also desire to avoid me as well as won’t experience comfortable amongst me… which is non what I want.

Focus on what you lot desire them to produce instead

Instead of spending fourth dimension saying, "no hitting" I pass a lot of talking talking amongst my toddler almost what I desire him to produce INSTEAD of hitting. I give him strategies as well as suggestions to purpose when situations popular up. We beak almost using "gentle hands" when nosotros acquire frustrated or a friend takes something or wants something of ours. We beak almost saying, "Can I receive got a plough when you're done?" as well as thence waiting instead of hitting somebody when nosotros desire the toy they have. We also practise saying, "I'm mad!" when it is obvious my boy it hitting because he is angry. We also practise taking a cool down. If my boy is actually frustrated as well as is starting to striking I volition say, "Wow! You're mad! Do you lot demand to receive got a cool down?' For him a cool downward agency that he volition acquire as well as observe a identify past times himself to play as well as simply chill out (usually his room or our invitee room or simply the couch to await at a book). Taking a cool downward isn't punitive, but it is simply an pick for him if he is frustrated. I volition also say, "You appear upset, produce you lot demand a hug?" or I'll fifty-fifty ask, "What produce you lot need?" as well as sometimes he'll receive got an respond for me.

Give attending to the positive behavior

Whenever my toddler is gentle simply about friends as well as using words to communicate INSTEAD of hitting I endeavor as well as brand a big bargain almost it as well as give him lots of attending for it! On days when I react emotionally to his hitting as well as acquire angry the hitting increases.   

Stay unopen by

If your kid is going through a hitting stage i of the most of import things to produce is remain unopen past times when the kid is inward a grouping of other kids or amongst siblings. By existence unopen past times you lot tin spotter interactions as well as intervene earlier a kid gets wound as well as offering a strategy instead of hitting. I similar to recollect of myself every bit my child's coach during the toddler years. By existence unopen past times to cheer as well as learn I tin assistance him larn novel skills as well as assistance him apply them inward existent settings thence that he understands. Saying, "I won't permit you lot hit" as well as existence unopen past times to halt a kid from hitting a friend is much nicer than having to come across the room to intervene also late. It is difficult to learn things to toddlers out of context because their attending spans tin move thence short. By staying unopen past times as well as helping kids practise skills similar communicating, waiting, existence gentle, as well as plough taking, they eventually foremost applying the skills to a greater extent than as well as to a greater extent than as well as you lot tin displace farther as well as farther away as well as give them to a greater extent than independence! 

Be consistent

Being consistent is thence of import as well as yet SO HARD. My moods as well as the amount of slumber I got the nighttime earlier as well as fifty-fifty what I've eaten tin touching on how I react to challenging kid behaviors. By existence consistent nosotros assistance kids figure out their boundaries as well as assistance them experience secure. When my boy starts hitting I volition consistently take away him from the province of affairs as well as remind him that inward fellowship to ___ (fill inward the blank- play toys amongst friends, etc.) he needs to receive got gentle hands. Sometimes we'll hold off a few minutes together away from the other kids as well as thence I'll permit him endeavor i time again (with me unopen by). Sometimes nosotros terminate upwardly having to exit the fun effect nosotros are at as well as I permit him know that nosotros tin solely play as well as receive got fun amongst friends when nosotros are touching friends gently, non hitting. Sometimes that leads into a giant tantrum but I volition simply pick him upwardly as well as nosotros volition leave. I endeavor as well as warning him ahead of fourth dimension that nosotros volition remain at the fun effect every bit long every bit he uses form words as well as gentle hands amongst his friends (and doesn't hit), that way it isn't a surprise when nosotros produce leave.

As I am to a greater extent than as well as to a greater extent than consistent I observe that the amount of hitting decreases significantly. H5N1 few weeks agone my toddler was hitting constantly as well as straightaway it is much to a greater extent than infrequent. For a calendar week or thence I was incredibly frustrated as well as actually doubting myself as well as these positive strategies but every bit I kept plugging along as well as remained calm as well as consistent as well as it has in conclusion started helping. Hooray!

These are some of the strategies I've used amongst toddlers when they've gone through a hitting stage. If you lot purpose whatsoever additional positive dependent land strategies I would beloved to take heed what has worked for you!

Please note: I am non a parenting expert! I am withal a raise as well as an educator. Many of the strategies I purpose receive got come upwardly through my experiences working amongst challenging students as well as my ain 3 children. I also read loads as well as loads or parenting articles as well as books as well as thence pick as well as take what plant for me as well as my kids. Each kid as well as identify unit of measurement volition move different.

Over on my Becoming a Better Parent pinterest board I portion a diversity of parenting resources that I receive got institute useful. I know that I don't apply every unmarried technique or strategy perfectly, but I endeavor as well as neglect as well as endeavor i time again as well as that is what I recollect continues to assistance me grow as well as larn every bit a parent! 

If your kid is inward a hitting phase, I promise some of these ideas as well as strategies operate for you! If you lot receive got additional strategies, delight share!

If you lot liked this post service as well as receive got a toddler, you lot mightiness relish these posts:

HOW TO STOP YOUR TODDLER FROM RUNNING AWAY

MY FAVORITE TIP FOR CALMING TODDLER TANTRUMS

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