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No Kamikaze



"In the 10 years that I've known you, you've gone into everything y'all create sum bore Kamikaze style, regardless of the consequences." -Jim Parry



My friend said those words to me yesterday together with at foremost they seemed a compliment.  Who doesn't desire to live idea of equally the type of human to hurl himself into the fray amongst a passionate fervor, disregarding danger?  Upon farther reflection ane realizes that this is no compliment, but rather a somewhat scathing comment nearly what could live considered a personality flaw.  A tragic flaw that has had lasting deleterious effects on personal, professional person together with play life.  After a spell those effects add together upward to a toll that tin dismiss live felt.  One that weighs.  Maybe that's what they hateful past times maturity.....

Three 8 mile laps through the woods, 1.5 hours equally fast equally y'all dare on a marked course of report sum of roots, tight trees, off camber upward together with downhills, together with small-scale jumps.  The fourth circular of the VCHSS flavor at Spring Grove, VA, has simply begun, together with the suicide pilots are wailing their way through the woods.  I am 5th off the start equally nosotros tear roughly the grass rail department of the course, earlier the tighter stuff, presently losing sight of Pete Jenkins together with Jason Miller, my thorns inward the side for 2017.  That leaves me to battle amongst the residuum of the mid-packers.  These cutting together with thrust skirmishes tend to irksome downwards both riders, spell those amongst clear trail ahead clear off.  Tight woods brand passing difficult, but at the terminate of the foremost lap I've worked my way upward to 3rd.  I know without a incertitude who the foremost together with 2nd house riders are, somewhere out there, mocking my efforts.

A bobble on the 2nd lap sees me stall the bike, but non crash.  In the few seconds it takes to re-start, fourth house comes screaming by.  Now the cherry mist rises.  Up to this moment, it's been concur back, avoid mistakes together with crashes.  Fuck it, in that location is no way I'm nearly to live robbed of at to the lowest degree the terminal pace on that podium.  It's why y'all race, otherwise remain abode together with larn play-riding.  Head down, chase on, later on #26p similar a oestrus seeking missile.  Twenty minutes of hard pursuit at the terminate of the 2nd lap together with finally he's caught.  But equally ever the transcend is some other number entirely.

This is when it happens.  The tiny mental shift that volition presently brand all the difference.  Normally I would larn equally aggressive equally necessary, abide by a way past times together with tear off later on Pete together with Jason inward a vain endeavor to brand upward time.  I recall nearly it for a moment.  Hide nor pilus of the leaders has been seen past times me since the start.  The chances are real proficient that their Pb is insurmountable no affair what I do.  A risky transcend now, at the starting fourth dimension of the 3rd lap way I powerfulness induce got to fend 26p off for some other 8 miles spell getting no closer to foremost together with second.  A painstaking conclusion is made to follow him, expect for mistakes together with capitalize on them, knowing, painfully, that this all but assures the best I tin dismiss create is 3rd.

Four miles into the terminal lap, an opening appears equally nosotros brand a quick flare-up across a field, heading for to a greater extent than unmarried track.  It's a left plough into the woods, I'm on the outside, my front end wheel simply past times his at the plough inward point.  Going to induce got to lean on him pretty hard to larn this done, without taking either of us out.  I don't allow up.  He does.

Finishing out the lastly lap together with the race inward 3rd place, I wonder nearly novel tricks together with former dogs.  I wonder if some Kamikazes alive to buy the farm some other day.....

Alone.  Dodging trees together with the temptation of former habits....


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